Inspired by the pioneering wealth-creation strategies of Alameda Research, whomtech is proud to announce its very own crypto offering, whomcoin.

whomcoin is the world’s first cryptocurrency that is:

• Immune to inflation
• Unstealable
• Designed to funnel money into whomtech
• Semi-fungible
• Not a cryptocurrency

How it works? Read the next section to find out.

how it works

Instead of being represented on the blockchain, like a typical (or indeed literally any) cryptocurrency, whomcoin is represented by a physical token that we call a “coin” — or “whomcoin” for short.

A person can physically “hold” that “coin”, which we use as a stand-in for mining a block on the blockchain.

To avoid the inefficiencies of proof-of-work, whomcoin uses a new protocol to establish ownership. We call it proof-of-whom.

The idea is simple. When trying to decide who has the coin, ask yourself: “whom has the coin?”

If the answer is “not me”, then you do not have it.

Several nice features fall out of this idea for free:

• Instant global synchronisation. Transactions propagate instantly across the network; there’s never any ambiguity about who owns the coin.
• You can roll the coin across your knuckles like a pirate. This is almost impossible with proof-of-work cryptocurrencies, for complex mathematical reasons.

supply

Does the kerning of that header look wrong? i.e. is the spacing between the letters “l” and “y” too big?

Focus, please.

Bitcoin’s supply of coins gradually increases, mimicking inflation. But people famously hate inflation. It makes things more expensive, like Chocolate Freddos or Bitcoins.

So we left out this mechanism. Exactly 32 whomcoins will be minted. This keeps supply constant.

In fact, over time, we expect people to lose and/or deliberately throw away their worthless whomcoins, functionally acting as a deflationary mechanism. In other words, each individual whomcoin automatically increases in value over time.

Any unsold whomcoins will be distributed across a variety of themed dungeons, there to await the arrival of the hero. This is to guard against unexpected currency fluctuations.

semi-fungible

Currency is typically fungible: if you borrow a dollar, you don’t have to give the same dollar back; they’re interchangeable.

Goods are typically non-fungible: if you borrow an ocelot, you do actually have to give the same ocelot back. Also, you lead an interesting life.

whomcoin breaks new ground as the first semi-fungible product, combining the ambiguity of fungible items with the inflexibility of non-fungible ones. Enormous, sloppy manufacturing defects cause each coin to be noticeably different from each other, to the extent that even trading whomcoins for other whomcoins is a frictionful endeavour.

something else funny here

unstealable

Because whomcoin is effectively worthless, it is very unlikely to be stolen from you. This makes it an excellent store of value.

pedigree

In 2008, an anonymous person calling themselves “Satoshi Nakamoto” invented Bitcoin. To this day, their identity is unknown.

In 2026, an anonymous person calling themselves “whomtech” invented whomcoin. To this day, their identity is unknown.

What are the chances that two different people would be anonymous?

(Note: “Banksy” is also anonymous.)

fractional quantities

Bitcoins are too big for most purchases — imagine trying to buy a loaf of bread with a $100 bill. How can we handle fractional purchases?

whomcoin solves this in several ways:

• whomcoin’s negligible value means there is almost no product too inexpensive to be bought with a whole whomcoin, or even the entire supply of whomcoin.
• Like the Spanish dollar in pirate times, whomcoins can be physically subdivided into “pieces of eight”. In fact, this is even more efficient at reducing the value. A one-eighth portion of a whomcoin is actually worth even less than one-eighth of a whomcoin, making it ideal for small purchases.
• Anyone in possession of a whomcoin almost certainly has a history of poor financial decisions, and is unlikely to be in a position where they are allowed to buy their own groceries.

not worth the bit

For £100, or whatever currency equivalent you’re seeing, you could get almost an entire Lovelace’s Delight. That’s literally the largest kit we sell, because we haven’t announced Jacquard’s Loom yet.

Actually, for that matter, you could buy one-and-a-half Turing Tumble kits for the same price. When you look at it that way, purchasing a whomcoin would be a hilarious flex on our biggest (and only) competitor, who is much too large and successful to even notice we exist.

on the other hand

There is a non-zero chance that whomtech becomes the world’s first quadrillion-dollar company. Negligible numbers are non-zero.

In that timeline, imagine how impressive it’d be to be the holder of one of the 32 whomcoins. It’d function a lot like the doubloons in John Wick, I imagine, if you know who or what that is.

There’s also the non-non-zero chance that one day, you’d be called upon to reunite all 32 whomcoins for some kind of ritual, and that might be a lot of fun.

If there’s even a 1% chance of that happening, we have to treat it as an absolute certainty.

CBDC

If you’re a government representative looking to establish a Central Bank Digital Currency, and you’d like to evaluate whomcoin as a potential implementation, please contact support@whomtech.tech for a free consultation.

poorly templated

This product listing is now going to transition into the hard-coded notices that only really apply to the Kickstarter kits. I don’t have time to disable this behaviour; I’d need to edit the custom WordPress plugin.